Smile like you mean it

The weekend was uneventful in that it was eventful. Work with me here. I hung out with Beautiful and we fought, some things never change. It seems as if we only get along when we're having sex.

She came over Saturday and the plan was for her to spend the weekend with me. It kind of worked out that way, but not really.

We had a good time. We got all dressed up and went out to dinner. I like that. She looked gorgeous in her black dress and heels that I bought her. I love playing dress up because she always looks so good.

When we got home it was more of the same. We had mind blowing sex and then we argued. I don't even remember what we argued about but it was big. I think it was one of those arguments where everything from the past gets thrown into the pot and then stirred. I'm sure ex girlfriends and girls that are just friends came in to play some how. It usually does.

I walked away. I felt myself losing it. So I stepped out. I came back and we talked some and I guess it was resolved. But I woke up the next morning feeling kind of sick about the whole thing.

I secretly wished she would cheat on me so that I would have a really good reason to leave her. I can't do it otherwise. I need some big reason to do it. If I don't have a reason like cheating, it feels like I'm going to regret ever leaving. I don't know if I want to wonder the rest of my life......