So I've been busy lately. I wish I could wow you with tales of a sexy getaway with some really hot, smart girl that I met recently but there are a few problems with that. The first problem is that I haven't been anywhere so sexy and getaway are two words that haven't passed these lips in eons. The second problem is that I've yet to meet a hot, smart girl. Unless some wayward girl gets lost and ends up in my room, the chances of my meeting said girl is really minute, miniscule even.

I've been contemplating a lot lately. I've decide to make some changes in my life. I'm cleaning up some personal issues. I've actually started that. It really feels good. If you're life is in shitty state, I encourage everyone to 'unshitty' it. It's pretty motivating in itself. I've also decided to head back to the gym. I was doing so well for a while, but I hurt my knee in a cliff diving accident and that set me back, or forward a few pounds. Maybe I'm embellishing a bit here. You decide.

Loud Mouth Guy (LMG) here at work is deep shit at work. He left work early one day, without telling the boss. Just left. He said, 'Fuck you all. I'm taking the rest of the day off.' Not literally of course. His reason for leaving? A cold. Let me put it in all caps. A COLD. Can you believe that? What a schmuck.

He's burned so many bridges here that he forced our hand at work. A bunch of us were so tired of his shit that we all talked to the boss about him. We called a meeting Survivor style and tried to extinguish his torch. Luckily the boss isn't Jeff Probst or he would have been gone.

I swear there's more to say but I forget easily. So here's some fodder until I can remember.

I swear I will

I'm going to blog. Not that anyone has noticed my absence. I've just been busy.

Clubbing and my crotch

I had the greatest weekend evAr. I went out with some friends to this really snooty bar and met a girl. I was just chillin. Minding my own business, I see this girl heading towards the dance floor. She looks my direction for some reason and smiles. Not being sure if the smile was meant for me I gave her a half smile back. Just enough smile to let her know I noticed but not enough to look like a buffoon if it was meant for any one of the other guys in my general area.

This girl was beautiful. She had long dark hair and eyes like emeralds. She wasn't wearing much make up as she was a natural beauty. My kind of girl.

After the song she heads my general direction. Again, I'm not sure if she's headed towards me or to me. So I play it cool. I try not to look too much like an eager beaver. I feign the half smile again.

Lo and behold she comes right up to me and says, 'I was hoping my smile at you would give you a clue that I wanted to dance.' I told her, 'The smile was good. I noticed. But it would've been so much easier if you would have just asked me to dance.' She laughed and agreed with me.

Next she says, 'Can I buy you a drink?' Of course I said yes. We ended up laughing and talking the entire night. We even mixed in some dancing. She was surprised that I could dance. She thought it was cool that I never once try to put any moves on her or tried any silly lines as men are prone to doing.

She gave me a kiss as we closed the club down and slipped me her number.

....whatever. I lied. Nothing even remotely close to that happened this weekend. I wish it did but no luck. I had to come clean because I was getting turned on by my own story. A sad, sad existence I tell you.

On to real news....

I was at another part of our office talking to some ladies, one of which I find really hot in an older woman kind of way. The other lady I was talking to kept staring at my crotch. Thinking my I had to XYZ examine my zipper, I reached down for a zipper check. I was good to go. But she continued to stare at my crotchal region. I'm still not sure why.

So I turned to the hotter, older lady hoping she would notice what the not hotter lady did in regards to my crotch and I couldn't get her to cop a visual feel. You win some. You lose some.

The whole crotch story was real.

I'm useless today

I do not own a motivated bone in my body today. I can't seem to get it going. Work is going by at a slow drip's pace. With any luck the day will end by the time I have grandkids. That's kind of a weird time dilemma I know.

I noticed that LMG (Loud Mouth Guy) at work always has on high waters. Another coworker pointed this out to me. I'm trying to see if there's a scientific correlation between the length of his pants and the volume of his voice.

To prove my point at how useless I am today I posted this gem.

Things I Thought About Today

I was talking to my coworker. Somehow baboons came into the conversation. I mentioned my horror and fascination at baboons. They are at once, both cool looking and eerily strange animals.

One has to admit that baboons in heat are funny. Their butts get red and engorged. There's nothing funnier than red, engorged baboon butts. At the same time, the red butt baboon can rip you to shreds with it's jaws and hands. A double edged sword I tell you.

I've been trying to NOT interact with the guy in my office who irritates all of us within earshot. He tends to talk incessantly. Nothing he says makes any sense. Most of the time he comes off looking like an ass. We've all tried to help him but he seems to think he's always right. Oh well, I'll just lend him some rope so he can hang his self even faster.

Our secretary gets on my nerves. She thinks she's hot shit because she gets to attend the 'management' meetings. Ummm, if you weren't so good at taking notes then you wouldn't be there at all. You're a glorified phone operator. Simpleton.

It's funny because she just sent an email to the entire company that she was supposed to edit. The email went back and forth between the execs here and she didn't bother to edit the dialogue between the execs before sending the final draft. Now the whole company knows what they were saying. She won't get fired though. She makes really good coffee on top of taking really good notes. Those be skills baby.

Things with Beautiful are actually going well the last few days.

If I were a river I'd be the Rio Grande. That way I could go back and forth between the US and Mexico with ease.

...things I thought about.

Playing the game

I don't play the game very well at work. I like as little politics as possible. I don't get involved in them and I don't perpetuate them.

BUT...

After receiving a ton of emails, highlighting one person's particular ignorance and ineptitude, in caps with multiple question marks and exclamation points; I shot off a rebuttle email. I was kind of short but not really. You should have seen my first try at a reply. I kept it simple. I pasted the email below and changed the names for anonymity sake.

A simple search in the *** (circled below) tells me that she works for the ***. I would contact her directly and ask her as I have nothing to do with the ***.

I guess that email didn't go over too well with some people. I got an email back from a higher up about passing the buck. I replied:

Was my reply that wrong? I honestly didn’t think it was harsh or out of line. I didn’t feel like it was passing the buck at all. To me it was the most direct route to an answer. Besides that, *** passed the buck to me in the first place yet it was okay for *** to pass it.

I stand by what I said. Was it short? Maybe it was but stop sending me emails typed in an angry manner or you will get them back. This was on top of an issue the shitty email sender sent that ended up being her own inabililty to do her job. She made a big issue about something, when I replied that it worked for me she sent me a terse email saying it didn't only to send another email about how she was actually doing it wrong to begin with. Bitch.

I don't play the game well and I refuse to play it most times. Of course if it benefits me I'll gladly play. That's just good for corporate climbing. Not that I'm much interested in corporate climbing.

I swear work is getting worse each day. Ever since we got new management, shit has gone down hill. It's a good thing I'm skilled and have my degree. Maybe I'll start job hunting.

Fuck this.

Be vewy qwiet I'm huntin wabbits

It's quiet at work today. It's almost unnverving. I'm pretty good at blocking out the noise on most days but when it's too quiet I always get the sense that I'm missing something. I start to think if I'm not working enough. To remedy this I blog. I know, it's counteractive to working but who cares?

I had a pretty good Easter weekend. I spent a lot of time on my motorcycle. I went on a mini roadtrip with a friend. We went riding locally. He jumped on his new bike and we took it out to break it in.

I spent Easter day with my family. I hung out with my siblings (That's such a stupid word...sibling) and we got fat as a result of good old home cooking by mom. Afterwards we all went home. Truly this is in the spirt of

I got to thinking Sunday night. I usually reserve all my thinking for Sunday nights in between Matlock commercials. For the rest of the week I drone through the days like a robot. I'm hoping that one day I'll solve all my problems before Matlock has to go to court. But each Sunday night Matlock shows up in the same suit and wins his case before I solve my problems.

Back to my Sunday night thinking......

I want to be swept off my feet. It's happened once but even that fell apart like a bad jigsaw puzzle. I'd go into details but that would be giving it away. In the mean time I sit and wait. Well not really wait, but I sit because standing too much hurts my knees. It's an old war injury I got back in Nam'. (I never really went to Vietnam. The closest thing to Vietnam I've ever experienced is food. But it sure sounded noble to you didn't it?)

Does anybody here Twitter? It's my new thing. I'm not sure how I found it but I tend to Twitter everyday. I'm trying to bore more people simultaneously by giving them glimpses into my life. You can find me as "AnathematikX' on Twitter.

Right now I'm playing the you IM first game with a girl. I know she sees me online. I know she knows I see her but she always waits for me to IM her first. I think it's funny. Recently I did a purge of my IM list. I deleted everyone on my list and started fresh. It was an online social culling of sorts. Want to IM me? Just ask. I'm even more sexy on instant messenger. Ask around.

Geesh that sounded pathetic. I seriously need to look into becoming more exciting. Maybe I'll start wearing tighter underwear for starters.

Friday ramblings

I told Beautiful yesterday that I was done. Unfortunately my words lacked the tone of finality in them. I knew this as soon as they left my mouth. I watched the words travel to her ears only to find their own ineffectiveness in the delivery. Damn.

I'm so glad it's Friday. It's been a really good week outside of my usual trappings with Beautiful. We've had a run of good weather in the 70-80s and I've been able to ride my motorcycle.

I love riding simply because of the faux freedom it gives me. Granted I'm surrounded by semi-trucks and asshole drivers, but inside my helmet it's just me and my thoughts. That's not always a good thing but this week it was.

The girl in the tight shirts that always stops by my desk to flirt stopped by again yesterday. She looked good. She knows about Beautiful and how things were going. I told her. She then starts telling me about her marriage and how the honeymoon phase is over. Now she sees her husband and what he's really like. She said she wished he was different. She mentioned she hated the way he dressed and said she wished he had a style more like mine. She didn't sound happy. I tried to end the conversation because I had tons of work to do but she stood there as if waiting for some specific response from me. She asked what if I was busy this weekend and I told her I had plans. After an awkward pause she smiled, touched my arm, and said she'd talk to me later.

My translation of her part of the conversation: I'm not happy. I'm looking for someone to give me what I don't get at home. You seem to be the one. Take the hint. Ask me out.

Then she turned me off. She jumps on her soap box and throws God at me. She said, 'Sometimes you just have to pray. I know it seems like you pray and it stops at the ceiling, but He's listening. I'll keep you in my prayers. Hopefully we both find what we're looking for.'

Yuck. Don't throw religion at me. Ever. It's the quickest way to turn me off. For that reason I'm going to sleep with her and practice a little role playing. I'll put on a Jesus costume and she can play Mary while we hump biblical style. I'll even scream out 'Jerusalem!' when I climax.

Beautiful and I actually had a good day yesterday. I'm marking this one on my calendar. She came over to hang out and we had a good time. We even managed to go out for dinner without incident. The heaven's have parted. (Which would be cool if I were religious at all.)

Today I had a funny conversation with one of the security guards in our building. It wasn't much of a conversation as it was a battle of one liners.

Me: How you doing sir? (He's an older guy)
Guard: Everyday you wake up is a good day!
Me: You can't beat that with a baseball bat.
Guard: Nope, God willing.
Me: You know what they say, two birds in the hand beats one in the bush.
Guard: If I had a nickel for every time I thought that....
Me: I bet you said that more times than you can shake a stick at.
Guard: I know but some days I feel like I've jumped out of the frying pan and into the fryer.
Me: Hang in there. When life gives you lemons, just make lemonade.
Guard: You can bet your bottom dollar I will.
Me: See you later!
Guard: Not if I see you first!

....I laughed and walked onto the elevator. This is what my life has become. A battle of wits, in which I clearly am unarmed and marking good days with Beautiful on my calendar. I want a new drug.

Smile like you mean it

The weekend was uneventful in that it was eventful. Work with me here. I hung out with Beautiful and we fought, some things never change. It seems as if we only get along when we're having sex.

She came over Saturday and the plan was for her to spend the weekend with me. It kind of worked out that way, but not really.

We had a good time. We got all dressed up and went out to dinner. I like that. She looked gorgeous in her black dress and heels that I bought her. I love playing dress up because she always looks so good.

When we got home it was more of the same. We had mind blowing sex and then we argued. I don't even remember what we argued about but it was big. I think it was one of those arguments where everything from the past gets thrown into the pot and then stirred. I'm sure ex girlfriends and girls that are just friends came in to play some how. It usually does.

I walked away. I felt myself losing it. So I stepped out. I came back and we talked some and I guess it was resolved. But I woke up the next morning feeling kind of sick about the whole thing.

I secretly wished she would cheat on me so that I would have a really good reason to leave her. I can't do it otherwise. I need some big reason to do it. If I don't have a reason like cheating, it feels like I'm going to regret ever leaving. I don't know if I want to wonder the rest of my life......